THE BLAME GAME

Erna Amoah
0556229
TA: Rita
October 11, 2007

The Blame Game- “I” Statements vs. “You” Statements

Katie: “Danny! Didn’t I tell you to wash the dishes? You are so lazy, and you never help out around the house. You leave everything to me, and all you do is watch football all day. I’m so fed up with you!”
Danny: “Well, what do you do? I work, and all you ever do is nag and complain. You don’t do that much yourself, and you just told me to do the dishes five minutes ago, and I was just about to do them, so get off my back!”

The 21st century in North America has seen a huge recent increase in divorce rates, reaching almost 50! Why are all these relationships and marriages suffering? The primary cause of the failure of relationships is a lack of communication: both verbal and non-verbal. I will focus on the verbal sector of communication in relationships, which are the “I” and “you” statements. In every healthy relationship, there will be times of disagreement between two individuals. It is the way we can effectively and clearly express ourselves that will determine the way our partner reacts and understands the situation. In lecture three, Dr. Sevigny revealed the importance of the power of language and responsibility. “In North America, I messages are assertive and given higher status. “I” messages show power, and acknowledgment that a person is taking responsibility for one’s actions.” (Sevigny-Lecture 5, Sept 28)

“You” statements, however, deflect blame, which is the cause of the blame game in relationships. It places the opposite person in a defensive position, and they in turn will go on the attack. This means nothing is solved, feelings get hurt, and therefore communication is lost. Dr. Sevigny stated that “I messages are very effective conflict management tools.”(Sevigny-Lecture 5, Sept 28) It gives us power and allows all of our thoughts and feelings to be conveyed in a manner that is clear and concise and least damaging to your partner’s self esteem. By exercising the use of I messages, you will get much positive feedback, and future success in your relationships.




Bibliography
Sevigny, Alex. Communication Studies 1A03 Lecture 3 (chap 2- UAC). Tuesday Sept 18, 2007
Sevigny, Alex. Communication Studies 1A03 Lecture 5. Friday Sept 28, 2007